retrospect on my past month of school

on atlas_core's crazy lazy ramblings

It started. Terrific.

Surprisingly not, actually... All things considered, I'm rather happy with my decision to get in this learning program, that's currently experiencing a lot of contingency. Looking at my past experiences, and the general consensus with other people my age, the fact I'm not feeling like shit about school anymore is actually a really good thing now. I guess that's what getting into a vocational training center program does now.. the more stressful school is the least stressful now. Go figure. So at least my forceful efforts to absolutely exhaust myself out and force myself to do better last year (which, typical 9th grade, except add in shit fucking teachers that weren't even teachers at time), which was an absolute detriment to my mental health and everything inbetween, proved to be fruitful. Woo. (Didn't help that I was stressed the fuck out by social anxiety coming from a Discord "community" (more-so, fucking stockpile being led by an absolute narcissistic sycophant fucking asshat) and shit, that I've since told to fuck off. You know who you are.)

So far, the teachers are actual teachers, which is a new record for me. No, really. Most of them feel like actual people. And I feel like I'm learning. THIS IS A FUCKING GODSEND. The history teacher not only feels like someone of culture that lives in this province, but they also have a good taste of music! Okay, I mostly say that because they brought a Rage Against the Machine shirt in class, but anyway. Most importantly, I can learn from them without feeling distrust. And that's a feeling I have overall, comfort with teachers, the feel of "hey, I'm learning!".

The other students around me also feel like sociable people. I don't have many friends yet, and I still don't know some people, but for once we're all nerds here. People broke my login session in tech class, it's great. The most important thing isn't to make friends (because I do have some, and they're great, except for the furry that keeps saying "UwU" in my ear and also knows that I own the entire franchise of a visual novel about catgirls on Steam), but it's the fact I don't have many enemies. Yet. But let's keep it that way. Please.

I think so far the biggest detriment I have are.. well actually, the "finance" classes. Yep, some guy from a local bank in Qu├ębec barges into our science classes for 2 hours and blabbers on and on about finance and shit that I just don't fucking understand and only make me feel like we're all just slaves of fear and power following an uncontrollable governing hyperpower conditioning our lives and making us live against our natural human habitats. And I don't even consider myself as a left-wing extremist, maybe an antivist actually. But that's none important, nobody gives a fuck. Thank fuck I can just sneak my earbuds in and do the good old trick of hiding your headphone cable under your shirt, and just hiding the ear by covering it up or whatever. Seriously, we're not forced to care? Then I declare I haven't yet found a solitary fuck to give about your finance how-to. Anywho.

The one thing I feared the most with this whole program has actually come true, the fact it's just boring introductions to stuff I mostly already know about, and the terrifying focus on proprietary software and stuff like Windows. But it's not THAT bad, I think. It's really just a bunch of stuff I'm not really learning and actually fully expected, and not much more than that. They're still boring, and there are two teachers, one I actually really appreciate, the other stresses me the fuck out by constantly yelling shit that's been repeated a million times before (and no stop saying "it's just like when you'll work", because we're in a fucking school, did you forget).